


Best of Both Worlds

by NoBrandHero



Series: Constants & Variables: A Species Swap AU [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Species Swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBrandHero/pseuds/NoBrandHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Striders don't make for low maintenance quadrantmates, but Jade's never been one to prioritize taking the easy route. Meanwhile, Karkat mentors his clueless moirail in the ways of wooing a romantic partner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that took longer than I meant.
> 
> To newcomers, this is a sequel to [Constants & Variables](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1388143), so fair warning that this is spoiler city for anyone who wants to read that. Also, you won't know who Daveglitch is. (Short version: He's a secondary Dave from a doomed timeline like Davesprite, but then he got possessed as a game glitch's violent fleshpuppet for a while and he's still a bit out of it.)

Bass strings were the only things that felt more natural in Jade's fingers than a rifle. Most trolls would rather prioritize their weapon, and she couldn't deny the thrill of striking a target straight in its bull's eye, but she was content to let her talents incline towards music instead.

After all, it meant she got to play with her moirail and that was way more fun than shooting things.

Dave's turntables were much louder in person compared to their online jams and she wasn't used to another instrument overpowering her bass (at least not until after Dave had mixed all the instrumental tracks together). She couldn't wait to play with all three of her friends and learn the peculiarities that accompanied their instruments when heard live instead of over computer speakers, but for the time being, Dave got priority.

She'd missed having the free time to throw herself into an activity as pointless as music. Even after the game ended, it was tricky to find a spare moment that wasn't dedicated to exploring their new hive or trading stories with her ancestor.

If Dave's utmost concentration was anything to go by, he'd missed their jams too. His fingers moved with expert deftness over the surfaces of his records, flicking switches to change his sound as needed. He might have been better at music than handling his weapon, but she was sure he wouldn't want to hear that.

Instead, as they reached the end of a song, all she said was, "That was so cool, Dave!"

"Yeah, probably." Dave ducked his head, but she caught a glimpse of a small smile. He flicked a few switches on his controls. "Hey, you've got your flute on you, right?"

She lowered her bass but hesitated to actually captchalogue it just yet. "Um, yes, but I need a lot more practice before I play it properly."

"Nah, just blow into it like what comes natural."

She cleared her throat. "Well, what I mean is, I'm not very good at it yet," she said.

"That's half the charm, dude. It'll be great with some complementary backing tracks. Just trust in my mixing and..." He trailed off, staring very intently behind her. It was hard to tell where exactly he was looking with his shades in the way (she didn't understand why he still wore them so loyally when everyone already knew he was a mutant), but the doorway seemed a likely candidate. "For real?" he muttered.

Jade glanced between him and the open door. "Is something wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nah, it's no big deal, just..." His casual demeanor dropped with a scowl. "Oh my god, if that idiot flashsteps _one more time_ and thinks I haven't fucking noticed that he's skulking around..."

Oh, well, that explained things. Jade probably would have noticed flashstepping too if they were outdoors, where she could catch the swaying of disturbed plants, but in the confines of a hive, Dave's bulbs were the only ones fast enough to see they had an intruder.

The only people around who could flashstep were Striders. She felt fairly confident that Dirk wouldn't spy on their little music jam, and she was _quite_ certain that Dave would never call Dirk an "idiot" within earshot, which only left one candidate for their spy.

"TG, is that you?" she called.

Whether Daveglitch had disappeared or continued flashstepping out of her sight, he didn't reply.

She turned away and captchalogued her instrument. "Hmm," she said, raising her voice as she took out her flute. "That's too bad. I really wouldn't have minded if TG was there."

She caught just a glimpse of a red blur before Daveglitch flashstepped in front of her. "Jad*e. Jade. Ja/de," he said, flashstepping into a new spot with each word.

Dave facepalmed, but Jade just grinned and clapped. "Hey, TG!" she said. "What's up?"

"Karkat's bus)y." He shot in next to her, clinging to her sleeve. "Pay att^ention to me."

Dave went tense. "Dude," he said, his voice flatter than usual.

"Okay." She nudged Daveglitch playfully. "I was just about to start a new song with Dave, but I can take a break afterwards to hang out!"

" _Dude,_ " Dave said a little louder. "You can't tell people upfront to pass over randomass affection just because you feel like it."

Daveglitch frowned, shuffling closer to Jade. "Why the hell n0t?"

"Because you're supposed to earn the adoration of the masses through sheer dedication and ironic talent." Dave waved a hand at Daveglitch dismissively. "What you're doing here, with the blatant begging and crap, is uncool as shit and makes us look pathetic."

"Dave!" Jade said, shooting him a disapproving glare. Daveglitch didn't need that kind of discouragement! It wasn't long ago at all that he barely even talked, let alone came literally begging for interaction.

Daveglitch just tilted his head as if summing Dave up. "Okay, but cons1der this..." He hugged Jade close. "I've got attention and you d%on't."

Jade squeaked. "Hey, I have enough attention for more than one troll!"

Dave's face iced over into an indifferent facade, his mouth a perfect straight line. "Don't overextend yourself, Harley. We can break early."

"No, that's okay!" Jade said, wrapping an arm around Daveglitch's shoulders while smiling big at Dave. "Maybe all three of us can try playing something."

"Hey, it's cool." Dave stepped back. "I should see what Terezi's up to anyway."

"Well..." She only let her smile falter a little. "If that's what you really want, I'll see you later."

"Yep," Dave said, casually waving to her as he headed for the door.

Daveglitch ducked down and watched after Dave's departure from the safety of behind Jade's shoulder. He stayed huddled there even after Dave had disappeared into the hallway.

"Umm..." Jade said. "So, do you want to play together?"

Daveglitch glanced up at her, his static flickering. "Like a gam/e?"

"Nooo, like music! I can play flute and you can improv some cool slam poetry!" She held up her flute and gestured to the turntables Dave had abandoned. "See?"

Daveglitch straightened, examining the flute with a frown. "How d0 I do that?" He flashstepped over to the turntables.

"Well..." She wasn't altogether certain how Dave's turntables worked. She understood the basic idea, but she didn't know how he made it sound so cool. "I'm guessing you just make up some fun rhymes off the top of your head and match them to a sick beat, right?" she said.

Daveglitch was quiet, circling the turntables. He ran the tips of his fingers over the surface, tracing the buttons and even cautiously prodding the tip of a record as if he was drawn to it.

Was something from his old life finally returning to him? She held her breath for fear of disturbing his concentration. When he grew still, she quietly asked, "Do you remember that, TG?"

His fingers trailed off the edge of the turntable. "No." He looked up. His eyes had a sheepish, self-conscious quality that Jade had never seen in Dave, even on the occasion that he took off his shades. "Is tha*t bad?" he asked.

"Of course it's not bad!" She chewed on her lower lip. "It is maybe a little sad, though." She caught his sleeve and gently tugged him away from Dave's confusing instrument. "Why don't we try something different? Have you ever played the flute?"

He followed her lead. "Not th/at I know of."

"Well, I'm still learning how to make it sound good, so we can fumble through it together, if you want!" She flopped onto the nearby couch -- it really was a good idea on Terezi's part that they should alchemize one for almost every block. "And I can show you what I've figured out so far!"

He settled next to her, his expression a better unreadable blank than Dave's best pokerface. "Sure."

"It's a wind instrument, so it makes noise when we blow air through it while holding down notes. See, you just shape your lips like this..." She held the flute to her mouth. "And then you blow into it." She took a deep breath and exhaled into the flute. It let out a sharp, horrendous chirp. She laughed nervously, trying not to blush. "It sounds better with practice, I think." She passed it over. "Give it a try!"

Daveglitch studied the flute as if she'd handed him a book written in a foreign language, turning it over. She gave him a smile and a nod when he looked questioningly at her.

"It's okay. I won't laugh," she said.

He tried playing it. It didn't make even the quietest peep.

She'd said she wouldn't laugh and she wasn't about to lie, but it was harder to resist than she'd realized. "No, look at how small my mouth is." She pointed at her lips and shaped them as if she was about to play a note. "Then you have to blow iiinto it, okay?"

He shot her a skeptical frown, but just as he was about to give it another shot, his body trembled. His static shifted and his body was suddenly five inches further to the left, while the flute remained floating in place as if held up by an invisible force -- which was more or less an accurate assessment.

"Oh!" She gasped in surprise. She'd seen his collider goof up before, but it still startled her to see his worst glitching in action, with his visible body separated from his physical presence. "Are you okay?"

He shoved the flute into her hands. "You ca%n do it."

"Are you sure? I bet we can work around your glitches!" she said with a big smile, offering it back to him.

He leaned away. "It's c0ol. I just waNted to b/e around you. You ca)n do your pract1ce thing 0r whatever."

"Well... so long as you're sure," she said hesitantly. She hated to exclude him, but she didn't want to make him uncomfortable either.

Still keeping an eye on him, she put the flute to her lips again and concentrated extra hard on making the notes sound decent so he wasn't sitting through a miserable concert.

He watched her intently and leaned his shoulder against hers -- well, his shoulder was still a good five inches away from hers, but she could feel his invisible weight and his warmth. Did he think she wouldn't notice just because she couldn't see it?

Daves just liked attention. There was nothing odd about that, but this particular brand of clinginess still seemed... No, that was getting ahead of herself, wasn't it? Daveglitch was still re-learning the ropes of socialization, after all!

Although he never leaned against anyone other than his moirail.

His body trembled again as his collider glitched back to normal, putting him off-balance, and he crashed to the floor with an unpleasant thud.

Jade winced, pulling her flute away. "TG?"

He stayed still for a moment, just lying face-first against the floor, then he sat up like a shot. "I should... g0." He stumbled to his feet. If she didn't know better, she would have sworn there was a tinge of red on his cheeks. "Be somew/here else. Do a t#hing."

"TG!" she said, but he'd already flashstepped away.

* * *

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] \--

GG: hi karkat! <3   
GG: do you have a minute?   
EB: I HAVE MANY MINUTES, JADE. I AM UP TO MY GODDAMN EYEBALLS IN MINUTES. I'M IMMORTAL AND I'M PALE-DATING A TIME PLAYER.   
EB: IF YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I'LL LEND YOU ONE OF MY PRECIOUS BUT INFINITE MINUTES   
EB: WELL I'D BE KIND OF A RAGING ASSHOLE IF I SAID NO WHEN I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE GOING ON.   
GG: yay! :)   
EB: WHAT'S UP THAT MADE YOU DESPERATE ENOUGH TO COME TO ME FOR SOCIALIZATION?   
GG: um, first   
GG: just making sure but...   
GG: you dont have anyone peeking over your nubs right?   
EB: MY SHOULDERS ARE NOSY ASSHOLE-FREE RIGHT NOW.   
EB: YOU ARE SAFE TO DIVULGE YOUR DARKEST SECRETS. HORRIFY ME WITH YOUR BEST-KEPT MONSTROSITIES ALL YOU WANT.   
GG: ok, well, it is not quite that big of a deal but   
GG: ummm   
GG: do you think   
GG: maaaaaaybe   
EB: YESSSSSSS...?   
GG: um   
GG: heheh, it reads kind of silly when i try to write it down   
GG: maybe i will think on it longer first. sorry for bothering you!   
EB: OH HELL NO.   
EB: JADE HARLEY, YOU SIT YOUR LITTLE ALIEN TOOSH DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU.   
EB: IS IT BOYS? IS YOUR TROLL BRAIN FLUTTERING ABOUT IN TURMOIL OVER A GODDAMN BOY?   
GG: !!   
GG: how did you know???? :O   
EB: I AM A ROMANCE EXPERT, JADE.   
EB: I CAN SENSE THESE THINGS. ALSO, YOU WERE ACTING WEIRD AND NOTHING MAKES SOMEONE AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSING LIKE BOY PROBLEMS.   
GG: but how did you know it was boy problems and not girl problems?   
EB: ......BECAUSE, FUCK ME, I AM THE KIND OF BISEXUAL WHO STILL GETS SUCKERED INTO HETERONORMATIVE MINDSETS SOMETIMES. AND I FORGOT TROLLS ARE BI BY DEFAULT.   
EB: BUT INSTEAD LET'S JUST PRETEND I AM SUCH A GODDAMN BADASS AT ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS THAT I CAN PREDICT THE GENDERS INVOLVED.   
GG: ok :)   
EB: SO, IS THIS SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR MOIRAIL?   
EB: OR HAS A NEW BOY CAUGHT YOUR EYE?   
GG: um   
GG: promise you wont laugh?   
EB: CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO CHOKE ON AN EXPIRED CARTON OF MILK.   
GG: its   
GG: yes its a new boy   
GG: and i cant tell if hes just being harmlessly friendly or   
GG: if he   
GG: well....   
GG: i just wanted a second opinion before i jump to silly conclusions!!   
EB: OKAY, HANG ON, LET ME JUST PUT ON MY "STUPIDLY AWKWARD IN THE PRESENCE OF POTENTIAL ROMANCE" TRANSLATION GOGGLES.   
EB: AH, YES, THERE WE GO.   
EB: YOU THINK THAT TG IS CRUSHING ON YOU.   
GG: !!!!!   
GG: did he tell you? :O   
EB: IF HE HAD, I'M PRETTY SURE AS HIS MOIRAIL I AM OBLIGATED TO KEEP MY LIPS ZIPPED FUCKING TIGHTER THAN A PAIR OF SKINNY JEANS.   
EB: BUT HE HASN'T, SO I CAN JUST SAY STRAIGHT-UP THAT YOU'RE THE FIRST TO BRING THIS ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENT TO MY EXPERT ATTENTION.   
EB: I JUST FIGURED IT OUT BECAUSE THERE AREN'T EXACTLY MANY ELIGIBLE BACHELORS AROUND HERE.   
GG: oh...   
GG: well   
GG: what do you think? :x am i reading too much into things?   
EB: TG IS KIND OF A SOCIALLY INEPT DUMBASS WHO WILL SOAK IN ATTENTION FROM ANYONE WILLING TO GIVE HIM THE TIME OF DAY. IT'S ADORABLE YET SAD. ADORASAD, IF YOU WILL.   
EB: BUT HE DOES HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR YOU WHEN I'M NOT AROUND TO KEEP HIM BUSY.   
EB: WHETHER THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE OF THE NICEST ASSHOLES AROUND HERE OR BECAUSE HE'S HARBORING A PUPPYDOG CRUSH ON YOU...   
EB: OR IF THE FORMER LED TO THE LATTER...   
EB: I CAN'T SAY WITH UTMOST CERTAINTY.   
EB: BUT I CAN OFFICIALLY DECLARE THAT THAT WOULD BE THE CUTEST GODDAMN THING AROUND HERE ASIDE FROM ME AND JOHN. AND MAYBE ROSE AND KANAYA. YOU PROBABLY TIE WITH ROSE AND KANAYA.   
GG: o__o we do?   
EB: YES.   
EB: THERE'S A MISSING COMPONENT TO THIS MYSTERY, HOWEVER, THAT YOU HAVE YET TO ADDRESS.   
GG: there is???   
EB: DO *YOU* WANT TO DATE TG? BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED, WHETHER OR NOT HE'S CRUSHING ON YOU IS PRETTY DAMN MOOT.   
GG: o_____o;;   
GG: ummmm   
GG: i havent really had to think about stuff like my flushed quadrant before...   
GG: i am a little worried about having striders in two of my quadrants though   
GG: that could cause some unnecessary friction :\   
EB: UGH, YEAH, DAVE MIGHT BE AN UNWASHED DICK ABOUT IT.   
EB: MAYBE WE BOTH NEED TO BREAK FOR A FRIENDLY CONFRONTATION WITH OUR RESPECTIVE MOIRAILS AND RECONVENE LATER.   
GG: thats a good idea actually   
GG: i shouldnt jump the gun without at least checking in with dave first!   
GG: that could be a pretty nasty shock for him if um   
GG: if   
GG: anything happens   
GG: which it might not!!!!   
GG: but just in case, you know :x   
EB: YEAH, I KNOW. GO PROD YOUR MOIRAIL ABOUT WHAT A JEALOUS ASSHOLE HE IS, YOU BLUSHING SCHOOL GIRL.   
GG: hey!! >:(

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

* * *

Under most circumstances, Jade wouldn't sit herself next to someone else's computer while they were working on it. Dave was a special exception to that. He was pretty much the opposite of private when it came to his works-in-progress: no sooner had she settled next to him at the table than he nudged his husktop an inch her direction as if to "subtly" communicate, "check out this thing I'm making; isn't it cool?"

She giggled in appreciation of Hella Jeff's silly facial expression and Dave's mouth quirked upwards as he went about dropping the paint bucket over the half-finished panel.

She propped her elbow on the table and watched him work. She wasn't entirely sure who his audience was anymore, with them living outside of any kind of society, but she was glad he still enjoyed the hobby. "Can I talk to you about something kind of serious?" she asked.

"That's basically impossible, but give it your best shot," he said, keeping his attention on his monitor as he inked the next panel.

"Well, I was thinking about TG-"

"Never mind, I thought you said serious, not awkward as globes."

"Hey!" She frowned. "I really need your input on this!"

He snorted, his concentration still on his art. "Okay, but if you want hot tips on dating him, I'm out."

"Um..." Her face heated up and she fidgeted with the fabric of her skirt.

Dave's steady clicking slowed to a halt and he lowered his hand from his mouse, slowly turning to her. "Jade, don't give me that awkward pause."

She hunched her shoulders. "Weeeeeell..."

"Oh my god," he said, his voice as flat as his expression.

She forced a smile. "I don't really know for sure, but... I've been considering things."

"Things like fucking my alternate self."

"No, not that!" Her face was surely glowing green as she blushed. "Just... kissing him maybe."

"Even worse." He ran a hand through his bangs and rested it on his forehead, staring at his unfinished comic again. "Shit." He raised his head. "Look, man, if you've got your jimmies set on the glitchy guy, I know when to bow out."

She faltered. "What?"

"I'm not going to make this awkward for you." He raised his hands. "I'll just go on my merry way without any guilt trips or anything. You don't even have to give me the 'it's not you, it's me' spiel."

She'd known this discussion could turn uncomfortable, but this was by far a worse reaction than she'd calculated. "Dave, I don't want TG in my flushed quadrant just because my pale quadrant is full! I don't pity him the same way that I pity you!" She reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "I want to look after you and be there for you, like a good _moirail._ "

He closed his husktop and stuffed it into his sylladex. "I'm giving you a free pass to move on here, Harley. I can see how it is."

"No, you can't!" she said in exasperation. How could he get so confused sometimes? "I'm really not looking to replace you, Dave!"

He got to his feet and crossed his arms. "But you're basically saying that if I got possessed by an evil glitch monster for a million sweeps and turned into a mopey staticy asshole afterwards, you'd want to bone me."

She fought off the momentary urge to roll her eyes, but she couldn't hold back a sigh. "If that's how you want to look at it. But you didn't go through all that misery and come out a confused wreck who's kind of sweet and awkward." She smiled. "You're Dave and you're my awesome and stoic moirail who likes slam poetry and irony."

"And he's the same dude but stronger."

"He's his own person with different experiences that shaped him in new ways." She stared him straight in the shades. It was tempting to reach up and slip them off, but she didn't want to distress him worse. "Are you asking me not to date him?"

He scowled. "Dude, what kind of shitass moirail dictates your romantic prospects?"

"I don't know, but I'd rather you exhibit those habits rather than threatening to break up with me!"

He scoffed and headed for the door. "Do what you want, Jade. I'm not standing in anybody's way."

That wasn't reassuring even a little.

* * *

"TG, you useless fucking troll!" Karkat yelled as he stomped into his room. It was an exaggeration -- Daveglitch was at least useful enough to arrive at their pale-date with time to spare -- but what was life without unfounded exaggerations?

Daveglitch froze like a cat caught in the midst of knocking a glass off the counter. "I didn't d0 it."

"Yes, you fucking did!" Karkat gripped the front of his own shirt as if tempted to rip out his broken heart. "Why would you keep shit this important from me? You trust me to be your loyal and non-judgmental moirail, don't you? Yet you wouldn't come to me for my expert advice?"

"I... Wha#t?" Daveglitch said, faltering in confusion.

Karkat pointed a finger in Daveglitch's face. "You're crushing on Jade!"

Daveglitch stared down at Karkat with an unchanging, deer-in-headlights expression for a long moment. His mouth opened as if in slow-mo as he finally admitted, "No."

If Karkat had rolled his eyes back any further, they'd have stared up his brain. "You are the worst fucking liar I've ever met and I'm dating _John!_ "

"Didn't y0u believe him whEn he said that bulges glow 1n the da^rk?"

"That is not the fucking point!" Karkat narrowed his eyes and got up in Daveglitch's space, though Daveglitch didn't so much as cringe. "The point is, do you have _any_ strategy for how to approach her? And do I even give a shit if you do? No, I do not, because you're so damn awkward that your strategies aren't worth shit regardless."

"Oh."

"Which is why you should have come to me in the first place!" He gestured to himself. "I'm a romance expert, TG. I can show you how to charm Jade. If you're actually serious about her and not just planning to tug her along for a fling, that is. You want to answer me straight on that?"

"Uh..." Daveglitch glanced down. "Yeah, it's serio#us."

That was exactly what Karkat wanted to hear. "Then we have a metric fuckton of shit and pep talks to dig through." He papped Daveglitch on the cheek. "You're the most pitiful thing this side of Paradox Space, so you have a big advantage when you move in for proper wooing. Your biggest obstacle is gonna be Fuckface McShitshades."

"You me)an Dave?" Daveglitch asked.

"No, TG, get with the program, I obviously meant Kanaya- _Yes, I meant Dave!_ " Karkat shouted.

Daveglitch didn't react to the volume, his expression stuck at disinterested. It was a face Karkat hated on Dave, yet it caused a well of pity to overflow in Karkat's chest when it came from Daveglitch. "Jade's flushed quadrant is n0ne of Dave's busin%ess," Daveglitch said.

Karkat paused. "It's not?"

"Mayb^e if he was trying to pr_otect her from a toxic matespritship. Otherw^ise quadrantmates d0n't get much of a say in wHo goes 1nto the other quadrants."

Karkat cupped his chin in thought. Maybe this wouldn't be half as difficult as he'd been anticipating, then, when Jade already sounded pretty open to the idea. "Okay, awesome, good to know. I can still see him throwing a shitfit if you move in on his moirail, but at least he'll look like the bad guy," he grumbled, nodding along to himself as he wandered to his shelf. "We just have to make sure you woo Jade off her feet. I've got just the shit for that."

Daveglitch watched him warily, waiting in place. "Romcoms?"

"Romcoms and critical fucking analysis!" Karkat shouted over his shoulder. He knelt in front of the shelf and tugged out DVD after DVD, sorting them into piles. "First of all, we need to sort out the good romance from the bad, because we've been consuming all of this shit kind of indiscriminately lately." He shook a case at Daveglitch. "If I see you moving in on Jade with anything you learned from 50 Shades, I will drag you away by the fucking horns and put you in a goddamn time-out, do you hear me?"

Daveglitch frowned. "Wait, what did we even read it for if it's that sleazy?"

Karkat wheeled around. "What do you mean, what did we read it for? Didn't you like it?"

"Um. You were sure enthusiastic about it, dude." Daveglitch shrugged.

Heat traveled to Karkat's face and he turned his face back to the shelf in a weak attempt to muffle his inevitable volume. "Okay, maybe it's stinking rotten trash of a guilty pleasure novel! Shut up! You could have fucking said you weren't into it!"

"I can endure stupid b0oks for the sake of moirail tiMe."

Karkat almost choked on his own tongue. "Oh god, that's almost sweet." It didn't help his fucking blush dissipate though. "You weren't ironically liking it or something, were you?"

Daveglitch's brow furrowed in utter bafflement. "How the hell d0 you ironically lik*e stuff?"

Karkat straightened and strode back to Daveglitch to stare him in the eye. "TG, that is both the most tragic and the most glorious thing you have ever said." He clapped Daveglitch on the shoulder. "Never let Fuckface corrupt you."

"Is tha/t still Dave?"

Karkat nodded solemnly. "For the duration of this conversation- Nay, for the duration of my immortal life, you can safely assume that Fuckface is always Dave."

"N0ted."

Karkat nudged Daveglitch towards the couch. "Now sit your gray ass down, 'cos we're having a movie rewatch-athon to make sure you picked up the proper lessons from these while rejecting the rest like the escapist fantasy garbage it is." He scooped up the first pile of movies and followed Daveglitch to the couch, thumbing through their options. "I'm breaking my usual silence to steamroll you with copious amounts of expert commentary so that you don't get confused."

Daveglitch flopped against the armrest. "So you mean y0u're gonna be talkin/g in place of the standard sniffling a&nd bawling?"

Karkat lowered the Pretty Woman DVD so he could glower at Daveglitch. "You cocky piece of shit," he growled, while Daveglitch broke into a wide grin. Karkat flopped next to him and shoved his shoulder, which only made him chuckle. "I'd leave you to flail your way through this all on your own, except Jade deserves the fucking best you've got and, by god, I'm not going to be the reason she doesn't receive that."

Karkat wrapped an arm around Daveglitch's waist as he pulled a laptop out of his inventory. Like hell he'd admit it out loud, but it was always a relief when Daveglitch managed a smile.

* * *

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TG: yo daveglitch   
TG: ...hey   
TG: holy shit this is not going to work change your damn font man   
TG: why >:\ and t0 what   
TG: because this is goddamn confusing and idk to orange like dirk or something i mean his auto responder already ganked my color so you might as well gank his   
TG: fuck n0 y0u d0 1t   
TG: omfg never mind ill just find you irl

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

* * *

The worst thing about Daveglitch was that the dude was fucking boring, the worst crime in all of Striderdom. If he wasn't chilling with Karkat motherfucking Vantas or mooching on Jade's time, then he hid in his respite block.

At least boring was best buds with predictably convenient, since it didn't take any effort for Dave to track him down. The idiot was just lounging on the floor in his emptyass block, staring at the ceiling as if it was a pan-rottingly addictive TV show. He was so lame he couldn't even come up with a proper hobby.

Dave knocked on the doorframe. "Dude, we need a word, one bro to another."

Daveglitch raised his head. "Wh1ch word?"

"You're a scream, man. The word's Jade." Dave crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "She talk to you lately?"

"We talk a lot, including la^tely," Daveglitch said, sitting up cross-legged.

"Cool, let's be blunt here, as if we're ever anything else. You planning to make some kind of suave yet glitchy move on that babe?"

"Wha/t's a babe?"

Dave facepalmed. This guy was the fucking worst. Way to make an awkward conversation even better. "Your attention span is embarrassing us both. Jade is the babe. Pay attention to human media sometime. It's not like we don't all know how many romcoms Vantas shoves down your protein shoot on a nightly basis because you're the only one who won't openly mock them."

Daveglitch frowned. " _My_ attention spAn's the problem?"

Dave waved him off. That was totally on-topic, because there was no such thing as an inappropriate moment to take a shot at Karkat. "Yeah, whatever, back to the point, are you moving in on my moirail flushed-ways?"

"Ye^s."

Dave paused. He hadn't expected an actual straightforward answer. Wasn't there supposed to be some rambling and a few choice metaphors? What the fuck ever. "Thanks for joining in on our special bluntness hour. Means we can cut to the point: Fucking don't. Jade doesn't need that shit."

Daveglitch's eyes narrowed. "What."

"She already has a lot of weight on her nubs without you dumping on all your embarrassing angst and identity issues."

"What ident*ity issues?" Daveglitch said, climbing to his feet.

Dave rolled his eyes. "What is with you and the questions, man?"

"GeneRally speaking, they help facilitate conversation a&nd re-intr0duce me to con^cepts that leaked out of my think pan fift%y thousand sweeps ago, but thanks for be1ng a judgmental assbulge about it."

"Eh, it's cool. I'll just use tiny, simple words for you."

"Don't go t0o far out of y/our way to avoid the assbulge lab#el or anything. Pick up a ma{p somewhere, find a sh^orter route, dr1ve around and... uh... find a parking space... 0r..." Daveglitch faltered, lowering his head as he concentrated on resuscitating a metaphor that was already DOA. "Wai/t, f-uCk."

Dave shook his head. Damn, and the map bit could have gone somewhere if it wasn't in the hands of an inexperienced and clueless driver. "You're a fucking mess, man. Jade has enough problems without tackling yours."

"No 0ne said she has to taCkle mine."

Dave strode closer in preparation to go full-on offensive. "Do you even know her? She's so caring and compassionate that she'd listen to a drone's problems as it culled her if it gave her some puppy-woofbeast eyes," he said. "Being selfless is what she _does_."

Daveglitch frowned. "So she's a cool pe%rson like that. So w_hat?"

"It makes her vulnerable." Dave gestured at the ceiling as if it framed the entire galaxy swirling above them. "She already tries too hard to take on all the troubles of the multiverse without saddling herself with a quadrantmate who can't keep up the give-and-take of a balanced relationship."

Daveglitch fixed Dave with a steady glare. "You mean l1ke you?"

"This isn't about me," Dave said immediately. That was just about the dumbest thing he'd ever heard get said. "But no. I'm a hella moirail who protects Jade like a lusus with a particularly accident-prone wiggler. She wants to stick that fork in the electric socket so bad, but I'm onto her."

"When was the las-t time you d1d that?"

"None of your business, that's when." Dave shifted uncomfortably. He'd probably done it at some point in Sgrub, but who kept track of that shit? Only creepy people kept notes on favors. "There hasn't been danger in like three perigees, so I'm on paid time-off whether I want the vacation or not."

Daveglitch's gaze stayed intense. The asshole really needed to pick up a new pair of shades. "Okay, but she was the one wh0 busted you out of that cell with Dirk."

Dave's mouth went dry. "You were comatose for that." Fuck, he had better comebacks than that, but Daveglitch was already replying before he could string one together.

"I had w0rking gander bulbs and mem0ry storag*e in my think pan. It's hard to miss my ancestor g/etting blastEd in the head."

Dave refused to shudder in front of Daveglitch, but he tensed all the same as images of candy red blood flickered through his think pan. "Thanks for that flashback. Really appreciate savoring the memory of that time Dirk died for two minutes."

"Shouldn't yo/u trust Jade?" Daveglitch tilted his head. "Maybe I'm a spongeache to deal with, but wh0 the fuck are yo^u to tell your moirail what she can or can't handle by going over her head? If you think she's a#bout to embark on a bad decis-ion, tell her, not me. Or do you suCk so hard as a moirail that you're not even honest w1th her?" he said, a sneer sitting just beneath the surface of his words.

Dave took a step back. "Someone needs to put you on decaf, stat, glitchbro." Or cancel bluntness hour mid-season. It was a shitty show anyway. Never could pull any decent ratings.

Daveglitch's pokerface matched Dirk's, except it wasn't even a pokerface; that was an all-natural non-expression. "She pulls all the we1ght in your relationsh*ip and we bo-th kn0w it."

Dave turned for the door before Daveglitch could dig deeper. "Take your slanderous accusations and stick them up your wastechute so they can hang out with your dignity and common sense and get their party on." He flipped the bird over his shoulder as he left and didn't look back for all he was worth.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey."

Jade glanced up from sifting her hands through the dirt of her brand new artificial garden. "Hi, Dave!" she said, nudging a hoe aside so Dave could feel free to kneel next to her.

Dirt wasn't very common in a giant lab stationed at the heart of a Genesis Frog, but the post-game alchemiters were really simple to use and cost nothing to try, so she amassed supplies in no time. With any luck, she'd have a fresh crop of pumpkins in another perigee. She just hoped she'd found good enough lighting to emulate the Alternian sun's nourishing features without its deadly rays.

She worked in silence for a few minutes but an uneasy feeling nagged at her the whole time Dave observed her. She finished tending a crop and set her watering can down. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything's wrong?"

She wiped her hands off on her skirt. "Well, we had a bit of a disagreement earlier, and now you've been quiet for at least a full minute or more, so something is definitely weighing on your pan. Probably in a big way!"

"Makes you say that?"

"Well, when you're cheerful, you'll talk to yourself even if no one's listening!" She bumped shoulders against him, grinning. "And when something is bothering you, you'll come up with silly metaphors to babble around it. But you don't usually go silent, so I'm guessing something's _really_ taking up your thoughts."

Dave kept still for a long moment. Their faces were close enough that she could see the outline of his eyes boring into her. "He's right, isn't he?" he muttered.

"Who?"

He straightened. "The glitchy asshole. You're pulling double-duty on our moirallegiance."

"What are you talking about?" Jade said, getting to her feet as well.

"I just blurt everything out to you because that's how it's supposed to go. You keep me grounded, I keep you safe; it's the perfect symbiotic relationship."

"Yep! Because we're awesome palebros!" she said, clapping.

"Nope. The word you're looking for is a great big nope." He nudged a finger against her forehead. "You've been protecting me from the word 'go' while I'm a useless asshole."

She laughed and patted his hand away. "Don't be silly. It's only natural that I'd protect my moirail when he's in danger."

He paced up and down the row of gardening troughs. "Yeah, and I fail to return the favor in any meaningful ways, which means I'm the passive one in this relationship supposed to ground _you,_ but you've swiped that role too like a thief instead of a witch. Thief of Pale, that's your new classpect." He stopped for breath, wiping a hand over his face. "Jade, this ain't cool. What the hell is my part in this relationship if you're both the brain and the brawn?"

She tilted her head. Why was he so worried? That all sounded perfectly fine, as far as she was concerned. "Well, you're my good friend who I like to hang out with a lot. That's plenty important, as far as I'm concerned."

"That's not moirallegiance," he said flatly, scowling. "That's regular-flavor friendship. You aren't supposed to be taking all the duties like an overworked manager just because your employee is a lazy douchebag."

She sighed. "But it's fine, Dave. I can handle all that!"

He wrinkled his nose. "Did you seriously just give me permission to be a shitty moirail? Fuck that noise, I am the best goddamn moirail this side of Paradox Space. Just give me something to work with. This is serious, Jade."

She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and papped his cheek. "Nooo, this is melodramatic and you're working yourself up over something that's not a problem."

"Jade, this ain't helping. Jade." He grunted, relaxing despite himself. As the paps slowed, he mumbled, "You know what, you wanna be like that? I can force your hand. I just ain't talking until this relationship gets a little more balanced."

She snuggled in against his shoulder. "Aren't talking about what?"

"Ain't talking about anything, period." He clutched his neck. "You're taking my voice hostage here, Jade. It won't make a fucking peep or poetry slam 'til you free it with the sweet, sweet sound of a feelings jam."

She rolled her eyes, still grinning. Boy, he liked to be a drama queen. "I'm pretty sure you aren't physically capable of not talking for more than a couple of minutes. It makes you fun to be around!"

"Well, sucks to be you then, 'cos we're going on a voice strike, starting in 3, 2, 1." He ran a finger across his throat dramatically, then held it over his lips.

She giggled and tugged at his wrist. "Daaave, don't be silly."

He held his hands up in a hopeless shrug, mouthing something she couldn't translate through lip-reading -- even in silence he used odd and lengthy rambles instead of saying something simple upfront.

Well, if this mattered so much to him, it couldn't help to play along and let him feel better. She took a quick glance around to make sure none of her plants were in immediate need of care, then said, "Okay, if you want to be quiet, then we can just watch movies then, I guess."

* * *

Karkat put his hands on his hips and stared straight into Daveglitch's eyes as if he was a drill sergeant about to send his young soldier out on his first solo mission. "All right, you inexperienced moron, before I release you into the wild, do you remember the most important lesson I've taught you?"

"Movies whe)re confesSions are told via kiss are creepy hoofbeast manure, s0 don't kiss her before mak^ing sure she's co0l with it first," Daveglitch said.

Karkat nodded. "Damn fucking right. Good hustle." He clapped Daveglitch on the back. "You'd be awed and dismayed by how many people can't comprehend romance rules as simple as 'if you're not dating them, don't goddamn lock lips without asking permission.' Common sense is extinct, just like all the shits I give about indoor volume."

Daveglitch frowned, glancing down the hall to Jade's room. "That's really all I neEd before 1 talk to her?"

Karkat caught Daveglitch's chin and tugged his attention back. "You've studied how to sidestep common fuckups. Beyond that, you need to confess to her in your own fucking words, no matter how awkward they are, because it's not fair to ask her to date anything less than your own genuine article."

"I guess I ca/n just... d0 that, then."

"Exactly." Karkat turned Daveglitch around so he was aimed in the right direction. "I'll be here with high-fives to celebrate a job well done or open arms if you need a shoulder to cry bitter tears of rejection on," he said, giving Daveglitch a careful shove.

Despite his earlier hesitation, Daveglitch never glanced back. The stupid bastard's semi-digital emotions never fit the damn moment. Whatever, oddly timed confidence probably worked in their favor just then.

Karkat scurried around the corner to hide when Daveglitch knocked at Jade's door. He dared a couple of quick peeks -- Jade looked happy to see Daveglitch at her door, at least, though that was nothing new -- but nothing more.

In a perfect world, he wanted to spy on the entire scene from close enough to hear their every word, but Jade was a crafty one. It would be nothing short of a miracle if she didn't guess he was involved regardless, which sucked, but he wasn't going to give up the ghost by letting her catch him. They still had a fucking image to maintain.

His heart sank when he heard Daveglitch's footsteps already begin anew and grow in volume. Fast news was rarely good news. He steeled himself to be properly supportive as Daveglitch came around the corner, but Daveglitch's expression was as blank as ever.

"She sai#d yes," he said.

Karkat's train of thought screeched to a halt as he gaped and he couldn't have stopped his relieved laughter even if he tried. "Holy shit, you did it without fucking up!"

"N0w what?"

Karkat cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure. "What do you mean?"

Daveglitch shrugged. "We d*idn't go over wHat happens ne-xt."

The laugher cut off abruptly and Karkat's gaping shifted from pleasant surprise to dawning horror. "Wait, did you get her answer and just fucking leave her hanging?"

"Um."

"Goddammit, you useless sack of horseshit!" Karkat yanked at Daveglitch's wrist and marched him back down the hall.

To their absurd fortune, Jade was still waiting in her doorway, probably a bit stunned by Daveglitch's sudden departure. "Is everything all-" she began as they approached.

"No! It's not! Because this hopeless excuse for hardware stood you up during a goddamn confession! He's just broken world records of fastest idiot boyfriend to stand up his lovely girlfriend!" Karkat shoved Daveglitch forward and waved an arm at him as if he was showing off an especially stupid museum exhibit to Jade. "This is what you're signing up for, Jade! Fair warning that he's given you a perfect preview of what an awkward yet pitiful dumb-dumb you have on your hands!"

At least Daveglitch had the sense to look sheepish. "S0rry."

Jade smiled. "It's okay. I know you're learning." She reached out and took the back of his hand. "Honestly, it's cute."

"Oh." His gaze dropped to their hands. His static covered both of their entwined fingers. "I'm supp0sed to get per/mission to kis#s you."

"Well... permission granted, I guess!" Jade said cheerfully, stepping up close to him.

Daveglitch leaned in to kiss her. It was quick, simple, and awkward, all the things a first kiss should not be, but Jade giggled all the same and they both blushed.

Daveglitch technically ruined the moment by looking away, but it wasn't his fault for once. "Kark*at?" he said.

Karkat sniffled. "Oh, fuck off. My best friend and moirail just shared their first kiss." He rubbed his arm over his eyes. "Don't fucking judge me."

Jade smiled. "We'd never."

* * *

It wasn't often that Jade saw Terezi without a smile -- a big smile, no less, showing off all her dull little human teeth -- so it was just a bit concerning when Terezi greeted her with a frown.

"Jade, this must cease," Terezi said.

Well, that was relatively foreboding, seeing as the last time Jade opened the door to her block, the first words out of her visitor's mouth were, "Do you want to go out with me?"

"Umm..." Jade quirked her lips into a friendly smile out of habit even though Terezi couldn't see it. "Sorry, what must cease?"

"Whatever weird troll game you're playing with Dave." Terezi crossed her arms. "It is basically the opposite of hot when my boyfriend flirts with me over Pesterchum so I have to hear the sultry voice of a computer read his words back to me while he's _two inches away._ "

"Oh, wow!" Jade said, her eyes going wide. "I wasn't expecting him to keep his word!"

Terezi nodded. "Yes, this was a stupid time for him to grow an appreciation for honesty and perseverance." She poked Jade in the arm, though Jade wasn't entirely sure it wasn't meant to be a poke in the chest. "Fix it."

"I'll do my best, but I hope I won't have to discourage his newfound positive qualities!" Jade said.

"I can deal without them. Just give me his dumb but charming babbling back," Terezi said with a huff, marching away.

Jade cupped her chin in thought. Usually Dave's over-the-top stunts ended within ten minutes, but apparently something had spooked him so bad that he was planning to keep this up for a while. She'd never had to tackle a problem like that before. Maybe it would wear off if she just waited another night or two, but what kind of moirail would leave their palemate in distress that long?

She set off to find him. She carried enough computers on her person that she could have trolled him and double-checked his location first, but she had a feeling she'd find him hidden away drawing comics in his block again.

She was mostly right. He was in his block and he was at his computer, but he was watching a movie instead of working.

"Hi, Dave!" she said, slipping in through the open door.

He nodded to her in greeting.

She waited for a lengthy introduction and was met with silence. "Wow." She pulled up a chair and sat next to him. "You really aren't talking still? It's been a whole night!"

He shrugged, putting the movie on pause and turning to face her.

She clasped her hands in her lap and waited. And waited. And waited. She wasn't actually used to instigating their conversations, certainly not during a lengthy silence. She cleared her throat. "Well... I thought you should know, um. TG asked me out." She smiled even as she felt heat rush to her cheeks. "I said yes, so... I guess we're matesprits now! It's pretty exciting!"

No reaction other than a small twitch.

She sighed. "Come on, Dave. Keeping quiet must be bothering you at least ten times more than it bothers anyone else." She leaned forward to look straight into his gander bulbs. "What's it going to take for you to break your vow of silence?"

He reached for his keyboard and opened Trollian. A moment later, a chime went off in Jade's sylladex and she dug out her smallest husktop to check her new message.

TG: feelings jam

"Feelings jam about what?" she asked him, peeking over his shoulder to read his reply as he wrote it rather than waiting for her computer to catch up.

TG: idk all your darkest fears and angers and any shit that could use some sweetass shooshpaps

She laughed. "That's kind of the problem, silly. I don't _have_ any of that."

TG: ok i guess im a better moirail than i thought because i aint believing that   
TG: hey remember that time dirk died   
TG: because you were pissed off and shot him   
TG: yeah ok you dont have anger issues buried deeper than a seadwellers hive

She bit her lower lip. "That was... That was different." She shifted uncomfortably, staring at her knees. "We were in a stressful situation and... Dirk was in so much pain. I couldn't believe someone who shares my blood would just let him suffer like that."

"So you took someone else's burden," Dave said out loud.

She nodded. "I wanted to help. I was already so worried about TG and then we meet another Strider who's in terrible shape and... Well."

He took her hand. "Keep going, Jade. I'm listening like a microphone that-" He cut a no-doubt rambly metaphor short and finished with just, "I'm listening."

If he was going to be that serious about this, maybe she should meet him halfway.

"I guess I was angry," she whispered. "And I thought it was being kind, especially after what happened to TG." She chewed her lip and swallowed. "Sometimes I worry I should have shot TG, too, back on the meteor. I could have mercy-killed him and kept him safe from enduring the glitch for another million sweeps."

"Yeah, and probably gotten us all killed when the glitch went looking for a new host," he said. "Besides, look at him now. Sure, he's annoying and weird, but hey, he's got a pretty sweet matesprit, so who's he to complain?" He cracked a smirk.

Jade smiled a little in return, squeezing his hand. "You aren't going to pitch a fit?"

"What do I look like?" He scoffed. "A wiggler who missed his nap?"

She leaned in to bump her nose against his. "Nooo, you look like a Dave who gets uncomfortable around his doomed self and who was threatening to leave me over it!"

"Dumb pan fart moment. Water under the weight-bearing overplank, right?" He shrugged. "We've all made mistakes here. You've been penting shit up and I've been letting it slide, for instance." He edged closer. "C'mon, admitting your dark secrets to me felt good, don't deny."

She sighed as she hesitantly admitted, "I guess it's nice to get it out a little."

"Try for a lot." He reached papped her temple, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "We got all the time in the world here."

* * *

"Preemptive congrats on getting laid."

Daveglitch didn't move from his spot on the floor. "Preemptive 0h fuck, is this another lecture?"

Dave snorted, striding closer so he stood over Daveglitch. "Only time can tell, dude, but given the way my mouth runs, it's pretty inevitable that you're about to get schooled. The real question is which subject I'll decide to run off on, but you probably won't need your textbook so long as you take good notes."

Daveglitch raised his head. "You're not p1ssed?"

"Nah." Dave kicked at the floor. "Is awkward an emotion?"

"Don't t*hink so."

"Well, this is so awkward it's twisted itself into a brand new emotion. We're witnessing the hatching of a little wiggler emotion as it fumbles its way out of its shell into a cruel, cold world." Dave considered it a moment. "We should cull it."

"I'm not your rival, you kn0w." Daveglitch sat up, staring at Dave. "Just thought I sh^ould lay that down, in cas#e you forgot."

Dave glanced away. "Yeah, I know." He knelt and tried not to shiver as he stared into the bright red irises that looked damn near identical to his own, except Daveglitch didn't have the sense or irony to cover them up. "Hey. Don't fuck this up with her."

Daveglitch raised an eyebrow. "Or else y0u'll beat me up?"

Dave waved him off. "Nah, dude, she can beat you up just fine on her own." He hesitated, but he might as well go all-out if he'd gone this far already. "This is a sincere request, one bro to another, and fuck threats of retribution. I just don't want her hurt and you don't exactly got a clean track record for stability so it's rational to worry."

"I don't want to hurt her e1ther," Daveglitch murmured. "I get why I make you nervous. I'm fucked up an&d clueless. What sucks more is thAt I can't get better at this sh1t without st*umbling around like a human in the dark f1rst."

Dave nodded. "Not a bad metaphor."

"I try."

"Kinda simple and doesn't go anywhere, but hey, gotta start somewhere."

Daveglitch sighed, glancing away. "Yeah, t0o bad romance ain't as easy as pract#icing metaphors. Karkat's helping me figure out the basics, but no 0ne gets hurt if you fuck up a me^taphor," he muttered. He cocked his head. "I mean, usuall*y they don't. Some metaphors are pretty p0werful shit."

Dave laughed. Shit, did that count as laughing at his own joke? Whatever, surprise is half of humor and he sure as hell wasn't expecting a competent jab from Daveglitch. "Making sure Jade's open with her emotions is my pale duty now, you know," he said. "So long as I'm playing the proper moirail, if you fuck up, she'll let you know, hopefully before shit's irreparable."

Daveglitch paused, looking him over. "Than/ks, Dave."

"Just doing my job, glitchbro." Dave raised his fist and, for three horribly awkward seconds, was faced with the possibility that Daveglitch was so far gone that he didn't even recognize the most ironic of all gestures.

With hesitation, Daveglitch likewise raised his fist and bumped it against Dave's.

* * *

"This is so weird," Dave said flatly, facing straight up as if he was addressing the ceiling. "This is weirder than if Rose's harlequin novels and Vantas's cheesy human novels pailed and made a freaky erotic descendant together."

"Shh." Jade papped his cheek and tugged him closer to the center of the plushie-and-flutes-and-garden-pots pile. It was oddly comfortable, despite all the weird pokey bits, but maybe that was just because she was sandwiched between her red-tinted quadrantmates. "We do this all the time with you and me and Terezi!"

"Yeah, but that involves me getting the best of both words, which is significantly more awesome," Dave said. She was pretty sure he was trying to pretend that he wasn't constantly glancing at Daveglitch, as if they couldn't tell even with his shades in place.

"You don't w*ant Jade getting t-he best of both worLds?" Daveglitch said, edging in closer to Jade.

Dave scowled. "Hey, don't twist my words."

"Nooo fighting." Jade held her hands up between them, palms outward. "I completely refuse to go gray for you two."

Dave burrowed in against her shoulder and muttered, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be good. I ground you, not the other way around."

"Thank you." Jade turned to her left and gave Daveglitch a smooch on the lips, then turned to her right and kissed Dave on the cheek.

Dave pulled a face. "Okay, but could you at least not kiss me right after locking lips with him? You probably just got his saliva on me."

"My saliva is p^retty gr0ss, Jade," Daveglitch said with a hint of a smile.

"I don't think it's so bad!" She leaned in to give him another kiss. She kept expecting to feel a tingle from the static, but instead his lips were just warm and soft and a little wet. "See?" she said, grinning wider as Daveglitch's cheeks tinged red. She giggled and nuzzled against his chest. "We should be do this with your moirail sometime."

Daveglitch wrapped an arm around her back. "I bet he'd be doWn for th)at."

Jade glanced over her shoulder. "You can sit that one out if you want though, Dave," she said.

"Thanks for that. I'd do a lot for you, Jade, but I prefer to avoid situations with a high probability of shouty aliens kicking their foot up my wastechute." He settled against her back. "I could bear it if you really wanted it, but y'know."

"I know," she said, snuggling against the two of them as best she could. It was like being wrapped up in the best blankets. Mutantbloods were so very warm. "I like this just fine."


End file.
